Search Results for: reading

Ideas for Reading Aloud with Young Children

mother and child reading

The Department of Education cites reading aloud with children as the number one way to build successful readers. The goal is reading aloud to children for a minimum of 20 minutes a day in order to build a love of stories and books. Reading aloud with very young children can be a challenge.

Here are a few tips to keep it going:

  • Start from day one and build it into your routine – The idea is to start reading aloud early, before you think they are really listening. Make it a habit from the beginning. Books offer a well edited version of the language which is beneficial for young children to hear.
  • As an alternative, spend time just looking at, labeling and talking about pictures together – As your baby is a little older, they might not have the patience for listening to stories. It is beneficial to share time with books in other ways.  Spend time looking at the pictures together, point to and label objects, have them find new objects. It’s fine to just look for and label colors, or tell pieces of stories in your own words as well.
  • Read aloud daily even if they aren’t paying much attention – Once your toddler is up and moving around, they might not want to sit long enough for a story. Let’s say you try to read, and they are up and down to play with toys. At least occasionally, the answer is to stay seated yourself and continue to read aloud. They are in the room so they’re still hearing the language. You are also modeling reading aloud.
  • Read aloud when you have a captive audience – Read aloud when riding in the car, or when you are waiting in line at the grocery store and they are buckled into the cart.
  • Share more active books – Introducing lift-the-flap books, puppet books, pop-up books and picture search books can increase their interest.
  • Go for books based on their interests – Okay, this is an obvious one but if they love trains, go for train books often.

Ideas for Reading Aloud with Older Children

Leisure time for mother and daughter

The Department of Education encourages parents to read aloud to their children 20 minutes a day at a minimum. The idea is to read aloud to them for longer stretches and more often as you are able. It’s also suggested that you continue to read aloud to your children long passed the time you thought they’d listen. Children who read aloud through high school do better on Verbal SATs than those that read to aloud through middle school, and those who read through middle school better than those that do through grade school.

I know most parents reduce their reading aloud time as children become more fluent, independent readers. The trick is to give time for both. When my older daughter wanted time to read to herself, we added that to the bedtime routine rather than replacing our read aloud time. So they got 20 minutes of read aloud, and an additional 20 minutes of reading books independently.

There are lots of good ideas to help read aloud continue:

  • Keep it part of the daily routine – This way you don’t have to find the time each day, it’s already there. It also makes it expected. If you stop reading aloud for a long stretch of time, children may be more hesitant or think “it’s for babies” when you try to start again.
  • Let your children pick the books – At any age, it is helpful if children feel they have some choice in the matter. Letting them pick the books is an easy way to give this. When the girls were little, I’d read the same books 20 nights in a row if that’s what they picked. Now we take turns choosing chapter books. I almost always pick a classic because they never do.
  • Take turns reading aloud – Once they are fluent readers, it can be nice to take turns during this read aloud time.
  • Occasionally read more active participation books – This might be a fill in the blank book or a quiz book. This might be something along the lines of the Choose Your Own Adventure series that let the reader make plot decisions throughout the book.
  • Shake up the types of books – As they are older, some children are drawn to biographies or sports books, others to how-to books or articles from magazines.  You might also try poetry or plays. Any reading is fine.
  • Read picture books longer – Once you start chapter books, it’s good to include picture books occasionally. There are so many picture books that really are aimed at older kids. You might try Stripes or Mr. Peabody’s Apples.
  • Occasionally, read their homework aloud – Not often as they need to be doing this reading, but I think it’s fine once in a while to read their homework aloud. I’ve done this, especially when they are struggling with a topic or the reading seems particularly dry to them.

Any other ideas? Please share them here!

Holiday Reading Tips

I’d like to share a few of our holiday traditions that revolve around reading. We’ve compiled a stack of 25 Christmas themed picture books. Each night, starting on the first of the month we include one in our read aloud time before bed. On the night of the 25th, we read what was their favorite The Sweet Smell of Christmas by Scarry.

Each Christmas morning there are three new books for each child under the tree. I recognize they quickly get set aside for the toys and tech gadgets, but I think it is important to have books be a piece of the gift exchange. As they’ve gotten older, we’ve branched out with more reading related gifts. This includes book marks, box sets, a writing journal, magazine subsriptions (thanks grandpa!) and now a kindle. I recently read a suggestion to wrap one book and leave it on the child’s bed, so the first thing they open on Christmas morning is a new book. For you last minute shoppers,  http://www.bookswithbows.com/DanaHome.asp is an online service that sends your loved one a book-a-month based on the categories you select.

You might also check these great holiday reading tips from Reading Is Fundamental  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTgEorSmd7o&feature=youtu.be. In this clip, Dr. Judy Cheatham reviews tips to build a love of reading over the holidays. Enjoy!

Interest in Reading?

Dear Dr. Rene,
My second grader is a pretty good reader. She is making progress in her reading group at school but still doesn’t love books the way I loved books when I was little. I was always buried in books and had a great love of reading. Is there something more I should be doing? Might this love still develop?
Sincerely, Laura
Mom of two, ages seven and four

Hi Laura,
It is great she is making progress in her reading group and hopefully she is on the path to be a book worm.

The first thing to know is she is still learning to read. At second grade they are still teaching phonics and patterns and rules of reading. It may be that she is still so focused on the details and the effort of reading that she isn’t yet at a point to relax and just enjoy the story. Many children fall into loving the stories when reading to themselves a few years later.

There are several things you can do in the meantime. The first is read aloud to your children EVERYDAY. Read aloud for the love of reading, discuss the stories you read over dinner, read long and often. Read a wide variety, things they choose and things you choose. The goal is 20 minutes a day and this isn’t time to be quizzing comprehension or testing phonics, just build a love of reading and story. The National Education Association points to reading aloud as the best way to build successful readers.

Read aloud long past the point you thought you would. Children read to aloud through high school do better on verbal SATs than read to aloud through middle school and through middle school better than through grade school. Now, I know, to many parents the idea of reading aloud through high school sounds awkward, but it won’t be if you just never give it up. And be creative, if they are readers take turns by page or pick characters for each person to read about.

Also, make books available. Think books on every level of the house and some stashed in the car. Let kids stay up a little late if they are reading. Take them to browse the bookstore and the library often. Join a children’s book club. Make family projects or plan family outings based on the things they read. If you read Blueberries for Sal, make blueberry muffins. Make it fun! The love of reading should follow.
Sincerely,
Dr. Rene
blog@parentingplaygroups.com

>Recommended Reading List

>Discipline
Positive Discipline by Nelsen
Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Bailey
How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Faber & MazlishThe Discipline Book by Sear & Sears
Unconditional Parenting by Kohn
No More Meltdowns (on tantrums) by Baker
And Of Course – Eight Weeks to Positive Discipline by Hackney

Self-Esteem
Your Child’s Self-Esteem (love this) by Briggs
The Optomistic Child by Seligman
Positive Pushing by Taylor

Gender Issues
Why Gender Matters (way interesting) by Sax
Raising Cain (boys) by Kindlon & Thompson
Reviving Ophelia (pre-adolescent girls) by Pipher & Ross
Queen Bees and Wanna Bees (pre-adolscent girls) by Wiseman

Siblings
Siblings Without Rivalry (fabulous, for everyone with more than one child) by Faber & Mazlish

Emotional Development
First Feelings by Greenspan
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Gottman, Declaire & Goleman
Emotional Development in Young Children (research heavy) by Denham
The Development of Emotional Competence (research heavy) by Saarni

Potty Training
The Everything Potty Training Book (like because a wide range approach) by Sonna

Social Development
Raise Your Child’s Social IQ (local author) by Cohen
The Friendship Factor (research heavy) by Rubin

Education Issues
A Mind at a Time by Levine
You Are Your Child’s First Teacher by Dancy & Baldwin

Development
Touchpoints Birth to 3 OR 3 to 6 by Brazelton
The Preschool Years by Galinsky & David
Your One Year Old (series through Six) by Ames
The Children’s Hospital Guide to Your Child’s Health and Development

Sleep (and these are all over the place)
Sleeping Through the Night by Mindell
The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Ferber
Good Night, Sleep Tight by West & Kenen
Heathy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth

Mealtimes
How to Get Your Kids to Eat But Not Too Much by Satter
OR Child of Mine by Satter
Dr. Paula’s Good Nutrition Guide by Elbrit

TV
Into the Minds of Babes (on screentime – local author) by Guernsey

Others
The Hurried Child by Elkind
Last Child in the Woods by Louv
The New Peoplemaking by Satir
The Over-Scheduled Child by Rosenfeld & Wise
The Trouble with Perfect by Guthrie & Matthews
The Out-Of-Sync Child (on sensory issues) by Kranowitz
The Power of Parent-Child Play by Sargent
Too Much of a Good Thing (on overindulgence) by Kindlon

Homework Solution #2: Place

Father helping daughter to finish homework

Another common homework battle is over place. The goal is a well stocked, well lit space with a good table or desk and a comfortable something for reading.

Well stocked means having everything your child might need for homework for the year. In elementary school this might be pencils, erasers, wide lined paper, markers, crayons, colored pencils, pencil sharpener, construction paper, tape, glue and a ruler. By fourth grade add a protractor, poster board, a dictionary and thesaurus. By middle school a compass, highlighters, index cards, college lined paper and pens. At some point, depending on your child’s school this should also include access to the internet. At any grade, it may be helpful to have a list pad. Children can list their homework and check off tasks as they finish.

It may be helpful to have a table or desk that is a comfortable height for your child and provides enough table top space to spread out their work. It’s nice to also have a good beanbag or comfy reading chair nearby. For all of this, also helpful to have bright enough work lights.

It’s best to plan all of this in a space that is relatively calm and quiet. The kitchen table may not be the best place if it’s during dinner prep and a TV is often on in the room.

If they can give each other quiet and space, it can be fine for siblings to work in the same room. If not, separate rooms are also fine. My girls shared the kitchen table in grade school and often put up a science fair board as a boundary between them.

It can be helpful to also provide a place for their backpack. In our house this was a painter’s tape X in the foyer. Homework was not done until it was in the bag and on the X.

Homework Solution 1: Time

Homework Solution 3: Organization

 

 

Homework Solution #1: Time

AdobeStock_108295871.jpeg

The most common homework concerns are related to time, space and organization. I am linking three blog posts with the aim to answer each.

There isn’t a best time to do homework, just several options. The idea is to find what fits your family best for now. There are some children who just want it done. These kids might start homework during the ride home and finish the rest before doing other things. I wish these were my kids. Others need a break after school. They need to eat snack and move their bodies before tackling homework. For some families after dinner is the time. I think this is also fine as long as there is truly enough time to get it done and it’s not making bedtime later. Some families fit homework time in the morning. This seems the riskiest. Maybe if my child was an early riser, they could put their 20 minutes of reading in the morning. The drive to school might be a good time to review spelling words each day.

Whatever your decision, good to include the children in the conversation. Ask what time they think is best and why. With schedules being as busy as they are, it might not be the same time each day. A child might have different activities at different times each day. Get a calendar, add the activities, discuss the homework times and add them. The aim is to have all their activities and homework times for the week on the calendar by Sunday. This lets your child know that homework is a priority and hopefully lessens the debate about when to get started each day.

Another consideration is the amount of time homework takes each day. The trick is to first consider how much time it typically takes, or should typically take. If your child is focused and working, what’s the average? When my older child was in second grade it took about 20 minutes so we set the minimum at 25. This meant Monday through Thursday there was a 25 minute stretch marked on the calendar for homework or homework type tasks. If she finished early, she was welcome to study her spelling words, play academic computer games or practice recorder to finish the time. I’m easy on this one, over the years I allowed word finds, crosswords, piano practice, sudoku and the occasional MadLibs. Having a minimum amount of time to finish discourages them from rushing through. If the nights they only have a few minutes of homework, they wrap it up and go play, the push may be to rush everynight.

The 25 minutes is also a sort of maximum. If they are off task lots or arguing about homework during the 25 minutes, when the time is up homework is done. Talk to them about how it could have gone better, maybe write a note to teacher about why things aren’t finished for the night. The goal is to encourage them to focus and really work to get things done during the time. By all means, if they are working the whole time and need more, give them more.

It’s also good to consider how much time homework takes in general. I still lean on the 10 minutes per grade. Twenty minutes for a second grader and forty for a fourth grader seems to be plenty. This may vary once they hit middle and high school based on the classes they are taking. If it’s taking significantly more, maybe good to check in with your child, other parents and the teacher. It is helpful to know if your child is on task or not, if it’s just your child taking longer or others and what the teacher’s expectations for time are to begin with. Also helpful to look for patterns, are they taking longer for writing or math assignments, are they taking longer if they start later in the evening?

It may be helpful to teach your child to organize their homework time each night. This means making a checklist of tasks, including study time and pieces of longer projects. It may be helpful to start with the hard tasks first to get through them while they are fresh.

It’s beneficial for this to be a quiet, working time for the whole family. Older siblings might do their homework at the same time, younger siblings might look at books or work on puzzles. Parents might read or work.

Homework Solution 2: Place

Homework Solution 3: Organization

Providing a Foundation for Academic Success in Preschool Friendly Ways

Back to school

I am firmly in the learning through play camp when it comes to preschoolers and early academics. Done in a good way, this doesn’t mean just let them play and they’ll be ready. It means thoughtfully providing academic experiences in fun, engaging and play based ways.

Early Literacy Skills to Keep in Mind – Early literacy is focused on the experiences we can provide children to later become successful readers.

Vocabulary – There are so many ways to build a young child’s vocabulary; read aloud everyday, talk about all the things they are seeing and doing, take them on outings and highlight the new vocabulary of that place and aim to teach one new word in context every few days.

Print Motivation – This is a child’s interest in and awareness of books. Motivation can be encouraged by having books available on every level of the house and in the car, and using reading as a reward (“You can stay up late if you are reading”). You might also offer extended learning activities, if you read Blueberries for Sal then make blueberry muffins. Attending library and bookstore activities with read alouds and checking out library books also build motivation.

Print Awareness – This is the child’s understanding about how books go cover to cover, and the words go top to bottom and left to right. It is a gradual understanding of word spacing and later sentence structure. This comes from a child’s shared and independent experiences with books. Reading aloud everyday and occasionally following along with your finger is a good ways to call attention to the print. Pointing out words that match pictures in books may help. Listening and looking at books on tape together is beneficial.

Narrative Skills – Narrative skills include being able to retell a story, understand the order and be able to eventually sequence events. Answering questions about what’s been read and recalling specific details of a story is a good place to start. Occasionally discussing what happened at the beginning, middle and end of a story is helpful. Calling grandma each Monday and retelling a story about something that happened over the weekend is a good way to practice this.

Letter Knowledge – This is the child learning the shapes, names and sounds of each of the letters. It’s tempting here to go more old school academic with flashcards and worksheets, I’d still err on the side of play. Have a letter of the week and collect small objects in the house that start with that sound. Go on letter hunts in the grocery store to find as many individual letters as you can and cross them off a list, have a B shopping trip to buy bagels and butter, blueberries and beans and go home to a B lunch. Paint and sculpt the letters. Play matching games, memory and go fish with the letters.

Phonics – This is being able to put the individual sounds together to make words, pull individual sounds out of words, recognize beginning, ending and eventually middle sounds of words and later learn the common patterns of sound blends. It is helpful to play rhyming games, have listening challenges and sing nursery rhymes. It can be helpful to read aloud books that have basic rhyming patterns such as Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose books.

READ ALOUD EVERYDAY – The Department of Education cites reading aloud as the most important activity to build the knowledge and interest for children to become successful readers. There are many ways to enjoy reading aloud with young children and with children as they get older. The main idea is to start on day one and continue to build the love of books and reading together as long as they will listen. For younger children just enjoying books together, looking at and talking about the pictures, making up stories, finding details in pictures all count as time with books. For older children you might alternate who reads, read their homework aloud or read separately and have book club talks.

Early Math Language to Keep in Mind – There are four areas of math language that can be built in to all the play and activities you are doing in the regular flow of the day. This language builds the foundation for understanding basic math concepts.

Numbers and Counting – Count napkins when you set the table and apples as you put them in the bag at the grocery store. Count often and challenge children to gradually count larger groups of things. Estimation language is a piece of this. Once children are versed at basic counting, estimating how many cookies in a jar or marbles in a bag helps with later math skills.

Position – Position language includes in, on, over, under, near, far, above, below, next to, in front of and behind. You might hide toys and give clues to finding them using this language. You might build an obstacle course and narrate or have people narrate themselves moving through. You might play Simon Says or Follow the Leader using this language.

Measurement – Measurement language is talking about how big or small, short or tall, heavy or light things are. For younger children this might be sequencing big, bigger, biggest. For older children this might be measuring things in inches or feet and then comparing.

Amount – Amount includes some, more, a little, a lot, more than and less than language. This also includes actual amounts like a quarter cup, half cup and whole cup. Baking and cooking activities are an easy way to build in actual amount.

Motor Skills to Keep in Mind – There are many fine motor and gross motor skills that are important for later academics, particularly for handwriting which is important across academic areas.

Pincer grasp and in-hand manipulation are important for eventual pencil grip and pencil pressure. Pincer grasp is practiced by putting pennies in a bank, using tweezers to move cotton balls and putting together puzzles with gradually smaller pieces. In-hand manipulation is practiced playing with small manipulatives including duplos and legos, bristle blocks, Lincoln logs and tinker toys.

Bilateral integration is important for eventual coordination for handwriting. Bilateral integration is using both sides of your body and in this case both hands in a coordinated way. For using your whole body this includes crawling, skipping, and swimming. For your hands this includes most craft activities such as lacing and sewing cards, weaving looms and latch-hook rugs. Midline activities and crossing midline activities include songs with clapping and simple motions like The Wheels on the Bus and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. This also includes popping bubbles and throwing or rolling and catching balls on one side of your body and the other.

Offer a wide range of art supplies – There is a different pencil grip and pressure to using thick and thin markers, different crayons, pens, pencils, dot art, roller art and pebble and ball crayons. The wider range of experience the better. Once they are comfortable provide a wide range of writing activities. This includes scratch paper, invisible books, dot to dots and mazes.

Offer in range of postures – Think of the different postures for art and writing at a table versus on the floor, or in a bean bag versus at an easel, or laying on your back with paper taped to the underside of a table. All of this benefits handwriting.

Providing Children a Sense of Community

MAP

I am aging myself here, I was a child in the 1970s. We knocked on doors to ask friends to play, rode bikes unsupervised and stayed out until the street lights came on. Starting in Kindergarten I walked to elementary school with other kids from my street. As a tween, I earned money babysitting and mowing lawns for neighbors. Beyond the neighborhood, I grew up in a small town that had one high school, a yearly Summer Ice Cream Social and 4th of July fireworks. It felt like my parents knew everyone in town. There was a strong sense of community.

Between moving childhood indoors, having daily screen time, more supervision until older ages, the rise of scheduled activities and a shift away from tweens working for others, it is more difficult to provide children this sense of community. Here are a few helpful ideas:

Join a local Moms Club and plan neighborhood playdates – Repeat play with the same children gives them a chance to build friendships. Having neighborhood friends adds to a sense of community. Even better, at least occasionally plan to meet friends at the neighborhood playground.

When your children are young, just getting to know other families with children similar ages can be a lifesaver. It’s helpful to know others share your joys and struggles of parenting and family. It can also be a great way to find and share babysitters, set up co-ops and get to know other community resources.

Get to know and help neighbors – An easy and direct way to build a sense of community is to get to know your neighbors. This means starting up conversations when you walk your dog or check the mailbox. This may mean exchanging holiday cards, shoveling someone’s snowy driveway, taking in their mail or offering to help when there is an illness or new baby.

Attend neighborhood celebrations – An easy and often child friendly way to build a sense of community is to attend neighborhood celebrations. In our current neighborhood this is a Fourth of July street picnic and a Halloween block party.

Attend events and volunteer at church, library and other community events – Each organization is a piece of an overall sense of community. These events and efforts allow you to model connecting to and working well with others. As a parent, you may not know which experience will hold meaning for your child. The idea is to offer a wide variety, highlight the enjoyment or importance and hope this shapes in the long run.

Especially attend and volunteer at school events – Your child’s school provides them a specific community with a whole new set of caregivers (get to know them) and child oriented activities. The more you can work at and enjoy school activities together, the better. Not only does this build a sense of cohesive support and community, it may bolster academic motivation and long term outcomes.

Participate in local clean-ups – Working with others and taking physical care of the community is a great way to feel connected. Community or street clean-ups may be organized by your local park, church, school or neighborhood. This may also be a facility work day. Each year our preschool does a Big Dig. This is a day the families work together on planting flowers, mulching and other lawn care at the school.

Encourage your child to join scouts – Both Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts provide and challenge children to participate in groups and later individual service projects. Brownies and boy scouts may take fieldtrips to local venues. Older scouts may organize events to benefit the community directly.

Highlight the Work of Others – For younger children you might sing These are the People in Your Neighborhood from Sesame Street (version 2 or version 3) and highlight the roles each plays. For older children you might discuss the roles, responsibilities and impact of others in the community.

Really Explore Your Community – It can be refreshing to step back and take a look at all that is available for families in your community. This includes museums, county parks, recreation centers, hiking trails, art and dance facilities and venues, sports teams and festivals. If you are in the Northern Virginia area here is a post with staycation ideas.

Encourage Children to Make Maps – Children’s sense of community may grow from thinking about their surroundings in a new way. Spatial reasoning and symbol association skills benefit from making and reading maps. With preschool age children, you might map their playgrounds, the grocery store or their house. As children get older they can map their neighborhood and their larger community.

Volunteer Together – Volunteering with your children can be a valuable way to build a larger sense of community and recognize the needs of others. As a family we rung the bell for the Salvation Army several years. Through their middle school, we served dinner at the local Catholic Charities kitchen. In high school, they’ve participated with a food pantry. These experiences gave my children a new view on connecting with others in the community. Here is an article about family volunteer opportunities in the Northern VA area.

Give Together – Once a year you might participate in a toy drive or a gently used coat donation program. You might adopt a child or family to support through a local shelter or church program. It’s helpful to have your children participate in the process and make them aware of these community connections.

 

 

 

Encouraging Children’s Empathy

Adorable girl comforting her little sister after she fell off her bike at summer park. Child getting hurt while riding a bicycle.

Empathy is the understanding of or sensitivity to others feelings and experiences. It is a developing trait across childhood and can greatly vary between children based on age, predisposition and experiences. There are several ways parents can coach the component pieces of emotion language and perspective taking.

Coach Emotion Language – Children being able to identify emotions in facial expressions, social context and in themselves is a strong foundation for empathy towards others. Here are several ways to coach emotions.

  • Use I messages – I messages are a productive way to label and share your emotions. They are also considered a foundation step of positive discipline. I messages label your emotions and explain why you feel that way while putting blame on the behavior or thing that happened rather than the child. Let’s say a child runs through the living room, and knocks over and breaks your lamp. An I message might be, “I am angry, my lamp is broken,” “I am upset, people are running in the house,” or, “I am frustrated, no one is listening.” The blame is passive (my lamp is broken) or global (no one is listening, people are running). This avoids blaming the child, “I am mad at you, you broke my lamp. You never listen.”
  • Give empathy – Empathy is validating your child’s emotions and why they feel that way. Often this can happen in the moment, and it’s also fine to provide this following an emotional exchange when all is calm. Empathy sounds like, “wow, you are angry. You didn’t like that game,” or, “I know you are upset, it’s so hard to be left out.”
  • Talk about others’ emotions – Discuss the sad baby you hear crying in the grocery store or the angry child who was having a fit at the playground. Label emotions, talk about things that make them feel that way or what others could do to help.
  • Be sure to include causes and consequences of emotions – At least occasionally in these conversations, discuss what came before the emotion or what happened as a result.
  • Read about emotions – There are so many good children’s books on emotions. There is a list on my blog at https://parentingbydrrene.wordpress.com/childrensbooks/#emotions.
  • Tell your own stories with emotional content – If you are at all creative, tell your own stories with emotional content. When our girls were little, we told a lot of Amy and Catie stories. Amy was remarkably like our daughter Alicen, and Catie just like our daughter Claire. If Alicen and Claire had an upset at the swingset, that night Amy and Katie would have a similar upset at the sandbox. Your stories should all provide examples of positive ways to manage and express emotions and ways to calm.
  • Ask hypotheticals – As children are four and five years old, you can ask hypotheticals related to their own experiences. If your child gets angry over sharing toys, you might ask, “what would you do if you really wanted to play with a particular car, and your friend was using it and kept saying ‘no’ to giving a turn?” If needed, help brainstorm good choices and discuss possible outcomes.
  • Role play emotions – Go back and reenact emotional situations. If it was an upset with another child, take turns being each child involved and think of ways it could have gone better.
  • Give puppet shows – Most kids love a puppet show. Again, it’s good to make these about familiar exchanges.
  • Play emotion charades – Play charades, just be sure to include emotions as a category.
  • Make emotion faces in the mirror and to each other – Talk about how we know someone is angry, excited, sad or happy.
  • Make an emotions poster – Divide a poster board into 6 squares labeled happy, sad, excited, mad, surprised and scared. Provide assorted magazines, then help children cut out and paste emotion faces and things that make them feel each way. You might write in each box additional things that make them feel that way or any other thoughts they have about that emotion.
  • Listen to and discuss emotional music – Listen together to sad, exciting or happy music. Then, talk about what each song makes them think of and how it makes them feel.
  • Paint emotion pictures – You might paint emotion posters while you listen to the emotional music.
  • Sing emotion songs – We sing “When You’re Happy and You Know It” and include movements like clapping for happy, stomping feet for mad and crying for sad.
  • Learn more – For more ideas, you can read Building Emotional Intelligence: Techniques to Cultivate Inner Strength in Children by Lantieri or Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children by Blaine.

(Again) Provide Empathy for Their Emotions – The more they are hearing the labels for their own emotions, the more likely they are able to apply this language to others. Empathy is often a good place to start in a discipline exchange or when helping them learn to manage social conflicts. Just acknowledging emotions as they are, lets the child know that you hear and understand them. Remember, it’s often empathy before the discipline or empathy before the fix.

Coach Perspective Taking – Perspective taking is being able to see a situation from another child’s point of view. This is limited in the preschool years. Young children are often still so egocentric in their view, it is hard to step out and consider another’s experience. You might introduce this when you and the child are disagreeing or feel differently about the same topic. At bedtime, maybe talk about how you are happy and looking forward to sleep and they are annoyed and wanting to put off sleep. You might point out differing feelings or opinion as part of addressing when they are in conflict with another child.

Children’s Books – Reading and discussing books can be a great way to teach social skills.

Here are a few good children’s books about empathy:

  • How Full is Your Bucket for Kids by Rath
  • I am Human: A Book of Empathy by Verde and Reynolds
  • You, Me and Empathy by Sanders
  • Empathy: I Know How You Feel by George
  • Stand in My Shoes by Sornsen

Here are a few good children’s books that introduce perspective taking:

  • Voices in the Park by Browne
  • They All Saw a Cat by Wenzel
  • 7 Blind Mice by Young
  • You Are (Not) Small by Kang

Schedule Playdates with Younger Children – Occasionally playing with a younger child can bring out caring and empathy from an older child. You might label emotions when they happen. You might suggest the older child help the younger child with tasks or teach them how to do something. You might highlight how considerate or helpful your older child was after the playdate.

Provide Other Oriented Consequences – In discipline or when supporting social exchanges, it can be helpful to include other oriented consequences. This is pointing out a child’s impact on others. “Look at your friend. He is sad. Grabbing that toy made him sad.” or “She doesn’t like that. Hitting hurts her.” The idea is to let your child know their behavior had an impact on the others while avoiding direct blame language. This basically means to highlight their behavior and avoid using the word “you.”

Provide Do-Overs – When it seems appropriate, it may be helpful to allow the child a do-over, a chance to improve their behavior or make a better choice instead of always giving a consequence. The do-over allows the child to really consider alternatives ways to change outcomes.

Highlight Deeds as Personal Traits – I’ve written often about using descriptive praise. When you are praising a child’s behavior, academics or athletics it can be helpful to describe the behavior and label. This may be “You handed a block. That was helpful.” Or “You wrote five sentences. That’s a lot of work!” There is new research to suggest it is helpful to occasionally highlight their trait rather than give a straight label. This would be “You handed a block. You are being helpful,” or “You are a helpful person.” And “You wrote five sentences. You are a hard worker!” Highlighting the trait may give the child more personal ownership. It may be more likely they carry that self descriptor with them to influence future behaviors. They may be more likely to think of themselves as a helper or a hard worker. When it comes to encouraging empathy, it would be commenting often about how kind, considerate, thoughtful or friendly they are.

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