This seems like a small tip, but it can have a big impact. So often when I hear parents correcting their child’s unpleasant tone, they say, “stop whining,” or, “no whining,” or, “I can’t hear that whiney voice!” If anything, this reminds the child to whine. The golden rule here is, ‘what you focus on, … Continue reading Whining? Focus on the Positive
In my Positive Discipline workshop series, we spend three hours on the steps of positive discipline. This language provides a framework for effectively working through a discipline exchange from managing emotions with I messages and empathy to using choices and consequences. I have written about the steps and given examples of each in several previous … Continue reading Guidelines for Using the Steps of Discipline
Natural and logical consequences are meant to be the end of a discipline exchange. In the moment and over time, they are meant to curb behaviors. It is important to note consequences are very rarely meant to be a starting point in the discipline process. There are so many other better places to start. You … Continue reading Natural vs. Logical Consequences
Four-year-old Johnny and Eric are building together. Eric moves one of Johnny’s blocks when Johny had it in the perfect place, and Johnney gets mad. Johnny yells, “no!” and hits Eric. This is a common scenario that plays out on playdates, between siblings and in preschools every day. As a parent or teacher, it can … Continue reading What to Do When a Child is Aggressive
The steps of positive discipline are designed to give parents a framework for moving through a discipline exchange. The idea is to learn each and be flexible in the moment. I messages label your or another person’s emotions and explains why you are feeling this way. This avoids you messages which blame the child. Rather, blame … Continue reading Steps of Positive Discipline Defined
Dear Dr. Rene, My daughter -who is three years old- has displayed a strong character since her first months. Now we are in the ‘no’ phase, anything whatsoever gets the ‘no’ response even if a few minutes later she decides to do/say what I’ve asked of her. How do I get her to become more cooperative, without … Continue reading The “No” Phase
Parents often focus their language on stopping behaviors. They attempt to direct their children in the negative. Let’s say a child grabs a toy from another. The first thing most parents say is “no grabbing,” “don’t grab,” or “stop grabbing!” When directions are stated in the negative, children have to turn that language around and … Continue reading Give Children Positive Directions
There is a golden rule in discipline when you are parenting as a couple. It is simple, whoever starts it gets to finish. This means if the first parent is into a discipline exchange, as long as it’s not abusive, the second parent avoids intervening, correcting the first, rescuing the child, taking over or undermining in any way. … Continue reading In Discipline: Whoever Starts It Gets to Finish
Emotion language provides children a tool for managing social exchange. By the time they get to Kindergarten, I want children to be able to look at their friend and say, “I am mad at you. You took my block,” rather than clobber them. There are many ways to teach children emotion language, here are a … Continue reading Ways to Teach Children Emotion Language
In general, I suggest parents steer clear of using rewards in everyday parenting. The main reason is rewards tend to introduce extrinsic motivation for behavior which decreases intrinsic motivation. In other words, you decrease the behavior you were trying to increase. Rewards tend to work against you. If you find yourself setting up a reward … Continue reading Rewards v. Positive Logical Consequences
Parenting by Dr. Rene 